Get Faced- Super Special Birthday Edition

By Drew Lazor
Collegian Editor
March 1, 2006

I never thought it’d happen to me. This modest turn of phrase is can be applied to a myriad of situations. I won James Blunt concert tickets (this is just an example, seriously) from a radio station—I never thought it’d happen to me. I somehow secured the regular-season NBA scoring title—I never thought it’d happen to me. I’m now paralyzed from the waist down thanks to an unfortunate blacksmithing accident—I never thought it’d happen to me. You know how it is.

For this writer, however, my INTIHTM moment came wrapped in much subtler packaging. Packaging with creepy blue-and-white-dude faces all over it. I joined Facebook in March 2005, about a month after my 21st birthday (I know, I’m so cool). This meant that I never had the pleasure of having my name pop up in that little “______’s birthday is today!” box. Accordingly, I didn’t even notice that Feb. 20, a.k.a. my 22nd birthday, was approaching. As the days dwindled, however, I realized that el dia del dos-dos was hurtling towards me faster than those dudes who bumrush your car on Broad Street trying and try to sell you those weird bean pies.

My overall apathy towards Facebook’s birthday system was probably rooted in the fact that I never experienced the cranium-throbbing joy of unabashed cyber-ego stroking.

I never left a single person a birthday-centric wall comment, and the thought of sending friends personalized message never even crossed my mind. That’s why I was quite shocked when, on my big day, I casually signed onto the ’Book at work (as per usual).

My wall was littered with a plethora of well-wishes, which was rather shocking considering I’m not a very good person. Most of them were good friends with whom I spoke on a daily basis. Some were buddies from high school who I don’t get to see too often. A small number, however, were people with whom I was somehow connected despite rarely establishing eye contact with them in the real world. Weird.

While most posts were polite and reserved, a few took a turn for the bizarre. Perhaps my favorite birthday wish came from former Collegian staffer Ed Mahon, who sent me a transcription of the A.E. Housman poem “When I was one and twenty.” Aside from the minor detail that I had just turned 22 and not 21, methinks Ed’s sentiment was sugary-sweeter than the contents of a suicidal diabetic’s fanny pack.

I’m not trying to suggest that I’m somehow cool or special for having such a positive (albeit peculiar) Facebook birthday experience. It’s just surreal to have your special day roll around after nearly a year of dismissing the special days of acquaintances and best buds alike. Until 2007’s Fertile February arrives, I’ll be waiting by my computer, poised like a hungry puma to pounce upon even the slightest indication of e-flattery. I never thought it’d happen to me, but it did: I’m officially divisible by 11, y’all. Next year, I’ll be a prime number. Start planning now.

lazora1@lasalle.edu