Fall misanthropy

By Justin Fields
Collegian Reporter
November 1, 2006

Ugh, another Halloween is upon us already? Is it just me, or should this holiday just be done away with altogether? I mean, don’t get me wrong—I’m all for costumed strangers loitering at my door looking for free handouts but come on, that’s what Christmas is for (except for the whole costume thing—that’s optional).

Let me explain to you why Halloween sucks. Every year millions of people all around the country scamper to their local Wal-Marts, Kmarts or Target stores to get themselves some Halloween goodies, consisting of assorted candies, decorations and costumes. Of course, these items, to the best of my knowledge, aren’t free, and a lot of money is spent to celebrate this “holy-day.” According to estimates from the National Retail Federation, American consumers alone are projected to spend five billion dollars on the aforementioned “goodies.”

See, Halloween sucks. It sucks approximately five billion dollars right out of our pockets, money that could be put to better use. I wonder how big of a difference an extra five billion dollars would make in helping the homeless. Further, though kids are afraid of ghosts and goblins, it is their teeth that take the most casualties on Halloween. According to Healthy People 2010, tooth decay is five times more likely to occur in children than in adults and is five times more common than asthma. If not caught early, this can cause foul-smelling breath.

See, Halloween stinks, and little Jimmy has to pay the price.

Having followed me thus far, you can clearly see that Halloween is responsible for foul-breathed, tooth decayed, homeless children. Maybe if we spent more of our time and money on fixing these issues the country would be a better place. Maybe Halloween should be done away with altogether, taking Valentine’s Day with it. Or maybe I’m just mad at Halloween because here I sit, yet another year, in my small studio apartment with only the glare of my computer screen keeping me company while my friends are out partying.

fieldsj1@lasalle.edu