Pizza, pizza for all

By Mark Costello
Collegian Editor
October 4, 2006

There I am, sitting downstairs, the early morning sun peeking precariously through the blinds that adorn the windows of my living room. It’s a rather majestic sight, if I may say so myself, the sun rising over the multitudinous hills of the joint Manayunk/Roxborough neighborhoods of Philadelphia. I sit and ponder myself, my life, the universe. My dog walks by; I ponder her. I sip deeply of a glass of ice cold milk—two or one percent fat quite palatable—and take my primary breakfast edible in my hand. Raising the slice of pizza to my mouth, I take a bit into my gullet and bite down upon the wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles that is stone cold green-pepper-and-onion pizza. Mashing it into a fine pulp, and thereby beginning the long and arduous digestion process, I proceed to swallow and smile as my delicious treasure hugs me from the inside.

Pizza, friends. It’s the ideal breakfast, and I do not write that solely from a college student’s point of view. No, friends, I’ve partaken of this delicacy for most, if not all, of my toothy life. Pizza truly is the food of kings. It has everything a body could want—cheese, contributing to the dictates of the Big Brother-like U.S. Dept. of Agriculture’s Food Pyramid’s requirement of two or three daily servings of dairy and dairy-like products. It’s got some vegetables, potentially, if one likes pizza with sauce, peppers, onions or mushrooms. The crust provides energy through complex carbohydrates. Really, I can’t see how eating pizza is a bad plan in any sense whatsoever.

Having just established the sheer majesty of pizza, I shall proceed to prove its usefulness in the realm of breakfast foods and, indeed, shall prove it to be the ideal breakfast food. I’ve already shown that pizza is the world’s single healthiest food, unchallenged. I also have a theory that it gives you X-ray vision, the ability to fly or at least jump vast distances in a single bound, the speed of not one, but three, locomotives and the power to cloak yourself against your enemies’ vision. This theory is only mostly proven and not entirely conclusive—yet. Since pizza is so healthy and delicious, why not start your day off with it? Carpe diem, friends! Seize the day, with pizza by your side.

Now, to convince Bits’n’Pizzas to open at 7 a.m. Then we’ll be in business.

costellom4@lasalle.edu