Goldilocks says La Salle temperatures anything but just right

By Melissa Mongi
Collegian Staff
October 4, 2006

A terrible problem is running rampant throughout La Salle’s campus. It affects us all, yet we don’t try to fix the problem. It has affected my study habits, my class attendance and even my social life. The campus-wide problem is the inconsistent – or rather, the consistently inadequate – temperature in the buildings and beverages at La Salle University.

While other people might be concerned with studying, internships, political affairs and world peace, I am worried that La Salle has lost its gauge to heat and cool its classrooms and food.  

There is nothing like a hot cup of coffee in the morning, right? However, I have come to the conclusion that there is a brand of hot coffee far too hot for any human tongue to handle, and it comes from the Union Food Court. I refer to it as “the coffee heated by the fires of hell,” because if you dare drink it after it’s first poured, you will lose most, if not all, of your tastebuds. Only the flames of the Inferno could make such a venomous coffee that forces students and faculty alike to contort their faces and scream expletives. The incredible heat of the coffee leaves java lovers two options: wait 20 minutes to enjoy the cup of Joe, or brave the fiery drink, putting tongue and well-being in danger. Sources have revealed the next best choice is the Union Market, where you can add cold milk to the boiling beverage, thus soothing its fiery sting, but who has cash or Gold Card these days?

After battling blistering coffee, I must brave the Antarctic conditions of Olney Hall. One day, I imagine my classes will be canceled because of icy hallway conditions and snow drifts. I pity the pupil who wears a skirt or shorts to any class in Olney because half-way through a 50 minute lecture they will lose all feeling in their legs. Tank tops should be prohibited to protect students and faculty from frostbitten arms. To stay warm in my classes there, I wear a layered outfit complete with mittens. If that doesn’t work, I make sure to buy a cup of coffee from the Union and then proceed to pour it over my head. Sure, I might look and smell funny for the rest of the day, but at least I stayed warm. To regain feeling in my hands after a long class, I use the sink in the Olney Hall ladies bathroom. There, the hot handle really means scorching, and my hands thaw nicely, killing all germs and skin cells right off.

Having lost all sense in my hands, my mouth and any bit of dignity I had left, I make my way down to the Communication Center for my next bit of temperature torture. The fall leaves tumble to the ground during this seven-minute walk, while the cool autumn air lifts my spirits. I open the door to the building and suddenly, my face turns flush, my hair frizzes and I feel the need to take off my top layer of clothing.

Somewhere between the front door and the stairs, I feel hot and parched. I assume the walk has made me warm, until I enter my classroom and note a fan going on high and students asleep at their desks tired from the heat.

It seems my only safe bet is the La Salle Art Museum where, as a student worker, I know the staff regularly takes the temperature and humidity checks for the well being of the art. Hey, what about the well-being of the students? Is it safe for me to drink fire, study in an icebox and walk to an ungodly warm building where I am supposed to learn? Dorm life, for me, always meant the minute it got cold out, the dorm became a sauna. Breathing became hard, and in the dead of winter I needed the window open to create some sort of balance. That can’t be healthy. St. Basil’s was a place of the future, and I knew nothing of personal room temperature controls.

For now, I will continue packing my parka for classes in Olney, carrying a mini-fan for the Comm. Center and splashing ice cubes in my coffee. Turning up the air conditioning in my townhouse, I feel some relief as I know that tomorrow is just another day of body-heat fluctuations and hot coffee on my head.

mongim1@lasalle.edu