Death to V-Day

By Kylie Jane Wakefield
Collegian Editor
February 14, 2007

Valentine’s Day makes me sick.

It’s just another excuse for high-level PDA’ers to showcase their love, for couples to eat a “nice meal” at the Olive Garden and for the creation of mix CDs with titles like “I Wuv You 4Eva, Pretty Baby Face!” that include sappy songs by John Mayer and Dashboard Confessional. This holiday really triggers my upchuck reflexes. Experiencing it is worse than staring at a picture of the adorable Mr. Winkle for an hour-and-a-half, and that’s saying a ton.

I am not at all against love, or even the divine expression of love. Life’s greatest pleasure has inspired the most passionate artists, tortured the world’s best writers and has helped musicians produce the most tormented and beautifully complex songs of all time. If it weren’t for love, would life be worth living at all? Probably not, but Valentine’s Day is hardly about love, anyway. Valentine’s Day seems to be little more than a capitalist venture. People buy each other corny cards, heart-shaped balloons, teddy bears, jewelry and other miscellaneous items to proclaim their “love.” The last time I checked, love was not about hyper-commercialism.

Lately, as soon as I turn on my television, I see a commercial for Jared Jewelers or Zales within the first five minutes. If I see one more “He went to Jared’s!” commercial, my brain may just explode. Since when did diamonds come to symbolize how much a couple cares for one another? It’s all propaganda; these commercials try and convince us consumers that jewelry really will sustain a relationship or even cause uproar among random second cousins and mothers-in-law everywhere. And also, why can’t a woman buy her man some fancy jewelry or a diamond-encrusted tie tack to impress the family? In the future, I’d really like to see a “She went to Eddie Bauer!” commercial.

All I’m really getting at is that corporations shouldn’t tell us how to be romantic. Valentine’s Day is supposed to be mushy and sweet, but couples should be romantic and sweet to each other every day of the year. Expensive gifts and Hallmark cards should not define a relationship. Plus, how creative is it to participate in those mushy, stereotypical Valentine’s Day rituals? Not at all.

This Valentine’s Day, I will not feel terrible that I am single just because the television tells me I should. I’ll be my own Valentine. I will pick out candy hearts that say “Maybe tonight,” and “Be mine,” and chuckle to myself as I eat these tasty treats. And on Feb. 15, I will invade every local Walgreens and Rite Aid, buying bags of chocolate and other delectable assortments, because apparently day-old candy is no longer sellable at full price.

It’s going to be a glorious, glorious celebration.

wakefieldk1@lasalle.edu