The p’s and q’s of protest etiquette

By Francesca Lo Basso
Collegian Editor
January 31, 2007

When you get 400,000 to 500,000 liberals, hippies, communists, pacifists, Buddhists and the occasional Quaker together, organizations as prominent as a fiscal conservative. This past Saturday, Jan. 27, the leading peace, justice and anti-Bush groups in the country – including Declaration for Peace, TrueMajority.org and World Can’t Wait – organized the biggest antiwar march on Capitol Hill since the Iraq War began in 2003. Jane Fonda, Tim Robbins and Sean Penn were among the speakers, and the protest was headline news on CNN.com. Though spirit, determination and integrity were in abundance, one thing was decidedly lacking.

Comrades, I know we’re non-conformists. I’ve supported you in boycotting Wal-Mart, Starbucks and Al Gore’s beard. I’ve suffered through half a dozen years of the Bush regime and seven State of the Union speeches addressing the issue of “nuc-u-lar” power. We cheered together in November when the polls showed that Santorum was no more-um, and that a socialist Senator was elected in Vermont. We’ve eaten together at vegan co-ops, danced together around overturned bucket drums and guffawed together when the vice president shot his friend. I am proud of and dedicated to our crusade for tolerance, acceptance and peace, but I have one plea: learn how to chant uniformly.

There is no cacophony quite like that of hippies in a state of disarray. While this group of dreadlocked heads is bobbing to “Ain’t no power like the power of the people, cause the power of the people don’t stop,” and that knot of nuns and bike messengers is chanting “Black, Latino, Arab nation and white, end this war, no more, no more, protect our civil rights,” the bongo players lose interest and break into African tribal music and the poor hipsters are left in the dust, frantically battering on their bucket drums as their stick-like arms approach the point of collapse.

Where’s the follow through? Did everyone’s attention spans suddenly transform into Bush’s weapons of mass destruction and magically disappear? Halfway through, “Hey hey, ho ho, the Bush Regime has got to go” is not the appropriate time to hold hands and break into a chorus of “Give Peace a Chance.”

And rhyme schemes. Has no one learned the importance of ballad stanzas? It’s not “The people, united, will never be defeated” but “will never be divided.” If just once an English major ran something other than a tribute to Jack Kerouac, no one would be left with the proverbial organic egg on his face.

Then there’s the humdinger of protest etiquette problems – the one with, as my roommate and fellow revolutionary puts it, the pop song of protest chants: “Tell me what democracy looks like.” The chant is supposed to go as follows: one side of the crowd shouts “Tell me what democracy looks like,” and the other side, while pointing to itself, replies “this is what democracy looks like.” Side one then says: “Tell me what hypocrisy looks like,” and side two responds, while pointing to the White House, “that is what hypocrisy looks like.” Now, executed correctly, this chant is both moving and powerful, but when the two sides fail to synchronize and fingers are flying in the wrong direction – taking out eyes and knocking over signs – it’s just chaos.

Comrades, I love you. I will fight with you and for you until the troops are home, humanity’s at peace and the starving are fed. But please, learn some uniform chanting before John Lennon rolls over in his grave and covers his ears in disgust.

lobassof1@lasalle.edu