While you were sleeping

By Kylie Jane Wakefield
Collegian Editor
March 28, 2007

Sleep is overrated.

If it were possible to survive without sleep, I wouldn’t be hesitant to take up the opportunity. If the world didn’t have to sleep, think of how much more societies could accomplish. Would we find a cure for the common cold with doctors working around the clock? Possibly. Would we have to risk our health by drinking unbelievable amounts of caffeine daily? Definitely not. Humans spend one third of their lives sleeping, according to an article in the Nov. 12, 1999 issue of The Columbia Spectator. One third? That sure is a lot of time spent doing nothing.

What I like most about not sleeping is what you can do while the rest of the world is snuggled in their beds. Staying up well into the night is one of life’s greatest pleasures. At night you can let yourself go and unleash your greatest ambitions, for there is no one to interrupt you. Oftentimes during the summer when I have no reason to sleep, I can do anything I want. I can write, paint a lovely picture or watch any number of old television re-runs, from Full House to Perfect Strangers and beyond. I find that my best moments are those spent alone, sleep deprived and ready for anything. There is no hustle and bustle of the every day to distract me; there is only me.

If there’s one character I can identify with, it’s the Narrator in Fight Club (you know, Edward Norton). It’s not that I have multiple personality disorder or a penchant for fighting, but I, too, am plagued with some form of insomnia. Ever since I was little, I’ve been able to function on little sleep and stay up for long periods of time. I’ve never gone so far as to order useless merchandise on Home Shopping Network at 3 a.m., but along with the re-runs, I’ve watched some ridiculous, hour-long advertisements. I must admit, seeing the Tony Little Gazelle advertisement 25 times in a row makes one go just a Little insane.

I find it irritating when people express that one of their favorite hobbies is sleeping. How can sleeping be a hobby? If sleeping is a hobby, then my favorite interest is consciousness. I also like to blink my eyes, breathe and eat three squared meals a day. I lead a very exciting life.

I must admit, though, I do love to dream. A night without dreams is boring and even more wasteful. One day I hope to stay up for 72 hours straight to break my 32-hour record. I also hope to achieve lucid dreaming, where I can control what happens in your dreams. I know it’s a weird goal to strive for, but I’m sure that the altered consciousness is worth it.

I can only dream that in the future, doctors will come up with some way for humans to stay up for days on end and still be able to function. I don’t like to sleep, but I also don’t like to be tired. For now, I can only consume mass amounts of coffee to keep my sleep-deprivation habit alive.

I am Jack’s complete lack of sleep.

wakefieldk1@lasalle.edu