How to get shortie to holla back

By John O'Riordan
Collegian Editor
November 13, 2008

I was perusing the Internet earlier today when I stumbled upon an article on MSN.com about struggles with flirting by a writer named Fran Greene. First I thought, “Fran Greene, what a ludicrous name.” But after my immaturity subsided, it occurred to me that this was a legitimate issue for many college students.

By nature, I’m a very flirtatious person. Ever since I woke up one morning and decided girls were awesome, it has been very easy for me to talk to and establish connections with them. I’ve found, however, that this is not the case for most people, both male and female. It’s incredibly frustrating to find out that someone that you have shown interest in feels the same way, yet they simply didn’t know how to articulate it. In a sense, flirting is sort of an art.

Now, flirtation hardly seems like a serious or legitimate topic off of the bat. Elsewhere in the commentary section, you’ll be able to read about hard-hitting, currently relevant topics such as Proposition 8 or home foreclosure. Flirtation seems like a silly column idea at first glance, but really, there are few issues more topical in the life of a young adult.

So why is it that some people, despite having an individual express legitimate interest in them, have such a difficult time reciprocating? In my experience, the hardest part of flirtation is breaking the ice. If conversation initiation is the most difficult task, why is it that so many attempts at establishing a connection crumble, even after the first step has been taken?

The obvious answer is that some people are just painfully, cripplingly shy.

However, it would be pretty ridiculous to assume that the vast majority of connection failures are due to intense shyness. Such obvious bashfulness has to be a sort of extreme. Thus, if strong shyness is an extreme, the opposite extreme would be overwhelmingly flirtatiousness. The fact is most people probably fall somewhere in the middle.

Through personal experience and observation, it seems to me that over half of attempts at establishing a connection through flirting fail.

So, assuming most people exude an average amount of flirtatiousness and assuming that most attempts at flirting fail, confusion prevails.

After pondering this question for a significant amount of time, the obvious answer hit me like a ton of bricks: Most people simply do not know how to flirt.

Though each individual has a somewhat unique flirtation style, there are certain tactics that work pretty much universally.

Personally, the most effective flirtation tactic is eye contact. Brief eye contact may seem harmless, but really, you’re saying a whole bunch with a simple glance. For instance, say you’re mid-conversation with a group of friends, and an attractive member of the opposite sex catches your eye. A great way to express interest in a very subtle way is to briefly look away from your conversation, establish eye contact with the person, flash a little smile and then immediately return to your conversation. Though it may seem miniscule, you’re guaranteed to have the gears in that person’s head start to turn. “Why did that guy/girl just look at me like that? He/she smiled; does that mean he/she likes me? How do I look?” Never underestimate eye contact.

Perhaps the easiest part of flirtation is the simplest thing: introducing yourself. When you go out of your way to introduce yourself to an individual, it lets them know that you’re interested in learning more about them. It drives me crazy when I see a girl introduce herself to one of my friends, only to see my friend respond casually, and then act as if nothing could be gained from a conversation. An introduction is an indicator of interest, and thus, should be built upon.

Overall, successful flirtation boils down to confidence. If you’re looking to establish a connection with somebody, you have to believe that you’re worth pursuing. It is as important to feel good as it is to look good. So, next time you see a cutie out there and want to make something of it, give these little tips a try. Who knows, maybe you’re a stud and you just don’t know it.

oriordanj1@student.lasalle.edu