Top 10 - Scariest musicians ever

By Rob Kirkner
Collegian Staff
November 1, 2006

Another Halloween come and gone, La Salle has a horror hangover. After a week of scary movie marathons, costume parties and walking through Friday’s haunted house, maintaining, “This isn’t scary,” we’re all a little exhausted. But what about those who never stop? Those who make a living off of fright and fear? I’m speaking, of course, about the downright frightening musicians that dwell in an abject corner of the music industry. They are the topic of this week’s Top 10—a descent into the depths of screaming lyrics, plastic surgery and black makeup.

10) Fred Durst — Known for his Yankees baseball cap and puddle-deep lyrics, Fred Durst should be feared simply because he’s been given access to the mass media, when only hormonal middle school boys understand him.

9) Gene Simmons — This lead guitarist has been making Kiss concert-goers muddy their leather pants for two generations now. His blood-spewing antics and horrifying platform shoes stand him up at number nine.

8) Slipknot — 1993 gave the United States the “Great Flood” of the Midwest, and Slipknot. While the waters eventually dried up, Slipknot is still around today, performing in masks, donning prison jumpsuits and making little children everywhere cry.

7) Alice Cooper — “Colonel Sanders? Forget the middle man!” shouted Alice Cooper, as he bit the head off of a live chicken during a 1969 concert. He plucks his way onto the list at number seven.

6) Beanie Sigel — Beanie Sigel has shot a man. He was just released from prison. Enough said.

5) Cher — In 1910, the world met Cher, and after a century of pondering, “What the hell is her last name?” she hasn’t changed one bit—literally. With a voice creepier than Linda Blair’s, Cher earns the halfway mark on the list.

4) Ozzy Osbourne — From heavy metal innovator to pop icon, Ozzy Osbourne hasn’t frightened the people of America half as much as he has its scientific community. For the past 30 years, his ability to handle enough drugs to kill an army has shocked America’s chemists.

3) Michael Jackson — Famous for his incredible voice, butter-smooth dancing ability and insanity, Jacko has frightened audiences across three decades, two races, several child molestation charges and 18 number one hits. What’s creepier than a charged child-molester who used to sing Motown?

2) Marilyn Manson — The breast implants, the rib surgery, the pale-white makeup, the Columbine controversy, the freaky girlfriends…what’s not to love? Marilyn Manson takes a break from the freak show to appear as number two on the list.

1) Rob Zombie — When he’s not making B horror movies, Rob Zombie’s on stage, throwing around his dreadlocks, ripping apart his throat and singing about evil clowns. I know, I know, “What’s so scary about that to earn a number one spot?” He tells people how to vote.

kirknerr1@lasalle.edu