Columnist assesses best and worst of this year’s Grammy performances

By Joe Pelone
Collegian Editor
February 14, 2007

What the Grammy voters lack in artistic integrity (I still haven’t forgiven those jerks for giving Jethro Tull the Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance award over Metallica in 1989), they make up for in a crap load of live performances. But despite my reservations towards these presentations, I foolishly volunteered my services to Entertainment Magazine Editor, Frank Visco, when he asked for help covering the Grammys. Here now, written in real time, are my thoughts and snarky faux-witticisms regarding a few of the 2007 Grammy Awards performances.

1) The Police’s “Roxanne” — One of the greatest power trios of all time reunited for the Grammys. Sting, Stuart Copeland and Andy Summers jammed out their reggae/rock hit “Roxanne.” A little over 20 years after the band’s official break-up, The Police still sound great. Sting’s voice is still distinct and clear; Copeland’s drumming is still loose yet powerful; and Summers is still the least memorable member of the band. The performance was far too brief – the band’s first reunion of the new millennium during the 2003 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions was three times as long/amazing. But, hopefully, this Grammy performance was just a teaser for the band’s rumored reunion tour.

2) Dixie Chicks’ “Not Ready to Make Nice” — The Chicks went hardcore orchestral with their lyrically tepid anti-Bush anthem. Lead singer Natalie Maines, a sassy little country crooner, blew a gasket or two near the end of this lush number, but the overabundant string sections (almost) covered it up.

3) Corrine Bailey Rae, John Legend and John Mayer medley — Barnes and Noble-core hit up the Grams pretty hard with this trio. Rae started off with just her acoustic guitar and dull British voice, but soon Mayer and Legend came in on accompaniment. Legend took over on vocals, and his soulful, expressive voice gave the song a bit more warmth. Legend isn’t the most note-perfect singer, but he’s definitely one of the most expressive, with solid piano skills to boot. I hope Jamie Foxx was taking notes. Mayer finished out the performance with the dreamy, bluesy guitar of “Gravity.” A Jimi Hendrix devotee, Mayer shredded out the closing measures of the performance. It was so good that even Prince applauded. I really need pizza.

4) Shakira with Wyclef Jean’s “My Hips Don’t Lie” — This one was mostly loud and incoherent. Shakira’s goat-like voice cut through the overstuffed mix, but Jean’s shouted pseudo-singing was incomprehensible. All that shouting certainly didn’t do him any good, as it left his rap segment breathless and weak. At least the dancing was pretty.

5) Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy” — The duo’s summer hit took on even greater anthemic levels, thanks to a full orchestra and choir. Singer Cee-Lo kept his super freak subdued long enough to allow his back-up players’ contributions to shine through. While the marching band rhythm was a nice twist, this live version turned out a little flat compared to its studio version.

6) Carrie Underwood and Rascal Flatts’ “Country Rock Tribute” — Underwood and R-Flatts performed a tribute to Bob Wills and The Eagles in what was dubbed by Reba McEntire as a “country rock tribute.” Underwood handled the Wills portion of the tribute with grace and vehemence. Personal taste aside, Underwood and her band did Wills’ old school country ditty justice.

Rascal Flats, however, mutilated The Eagles’ “Hotel California” nearly beyond recognition. The country rock guitar soloing from Jay DeMarcus and Joe Don Rooney almost redeemed the ditty, but vocalist Gary LeVox mucked it up with some of the dorkiest, sloppiest air guitar I have ever seen. This may be the first time I’ve ever questioned a country band’s scene cred.

7) Smokey Robinson, Lionel Richie and Chris Brown’s “R&B Male Artists Tribute” — Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci were hardcore flirting on camera while introducing this. My mind was so blown that ol’ Smokey’s gorgeous eyes broke down my soul without any resistance. Richie finished me off when he asked, with that honest voice, “Hello, is it me you’re looking for?” Yes, Richie. Yes. Outrageous! Chris Brown snapped me back to life, though. His opening step number came off hollow, and the dude’s skull mask freaked me out. Brown eventually settled into a cheesy modern R&B vibe, which oddly made me nostalgic for Usher. My pizza just arrived, though, so I guess I’ll settle for that.

8) Ludacris with Mary J. Blige and Earth, Wind & Fire’s “Runaway Love” — Having said all that he could about food and partying, Luda went politically conscious in 2006. While the verses document kids dealing with neighborhood violence, Blige and her ’do belt out the hook. Earth, Wind & Fire back the whole thing up with panache, but it’s all lost when children storm the stage with lit candles.

9) James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful” — Holy crap, James Blunt is British! His mic sure does clip a lot!

10) Justin Timberlake and some girl medley — The Grammys have opted to get in on the reality contest shtick, hosting a contest this year dubbed “My Grammy Moment.” Viewers voted on a group of contestants; winner got to sing with Timberlake. Things started off awkwardly with an overly funkified version of “There Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone,” which segued into Timberlake’s hit, “My Love.” Contest winner Robyn Troup did a decent job, albeit in a soulless, American Idol pop sort of way. It’s so tart that my acid reflux is kicking in.

pelonej1@lasalle.edu