La Salle refocuses event with input from Barnes' Family

By Erin Brodbeck
Collegian Editor
April 9, 2008

Tamia Robinson opened her eyes.

It was 4 a.m. Nov. 10, but Robinson was now awake, brought back to reality by the persistent ring of the phone.

Courtesy of Tiamia Robinson - Dante Barnes (above) with his son Jamir prior to his
death Nov. 10, 2006 in a drunk driving accident with former La Salle student Wilson Maldonado.

She picked up the receiver.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” the voice said. It was Lovida Barnes, the mother of Robinson's ex-boyfriend, Dante Barnes. “My son is dead.”

Robinson immediately called her mother, who then came to her Mount Airy home to sit with Jamir, Robinson and Barnes’ then-five-year-old son.

Barnes, 34, had been involved in a car crash on I-76. Around 2 a.m., Barnes was on his way home from a night out. So was Wilson Maldonado, a 20-year-old junior at La Salle. Maldonado’s car hit Barnes’ head-on because Maldo-nado was driving the wrong way in the eastbound lane. Further investigation revealed that he had been drinking.

After a long night at the hospital, Robinson finally returned home to Jamir. When she told Jamir what happened to his dad, Robinson started to cry.

“Why are you crying?” he asked.

A few minutes later, Jamir was playing with his toys, unaware of the gravity of the situation. When Barnes’ funeral took place a few days later, Jamir saw the whole event as a party, a happy event all of his relatives attended. All of them except his father.

He didn’t yet realize that he would never get to play football with his dad again.

Robinson and Barnes met at The Five Spot, a Center City hot-spot that closed in 2007 because of a fire. They dated for over a year, and had Jamir together before they broke up less than a year after their son was born.

Robinson got her undergraduate degree in psychology and education at Howard University, then went on to get her master’s in educational administration from Temple. She’s been working for the Navy’s aircraft program in supply and logistics since 1999, and started pursuing her M.B.A. at La Salle off and on since spring 2005.

Barnes was born and raised in Philadelphia, and left only to attend Millersville University for a few semesters. He used to work for Comcast, and his last job was at a post office, Robinson said.

“Dante was silly,” Robinson said. “He liked to go out, and he really enjoyed sports. He’d root for any team that wasn’t Philly. He especially liked the Tennessee Titans and the L.A. Lakers, and he had a rivalry with his friends.”

Robinson remembers Barnes as ambitious, and as a father who wanted to be a good role model for his son.

“Jamir really helped Dante grow up,” she said. “He helped me grow up too.”

Even though their romantic relationship didn’t last, the former couple raised Jamir together. Eventually, the former couple worked out a schedule: Jamir was with Barnes on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and spent every other weekend with him.

“After Jamir was born, Dante would watch him all day because he worked the night shift,” Robinson said. “Dante took him to the playground, they played football and video games.”

Robinson and Jamir got used to the schedule they had planned, and after Barnes died, it became difficult to adjust to the change.

According to Robinson, Dante’s death really hit Jamir after a few weeks. He developed mysterious ailments all over his body and also began having crying episodes, asking Robinson where his dad was.

One day, for example, he complained to Robinson of a sore neck.

“Only dad can fix it,” he said.

Robinson found herself struggling to overcome her own grief while trying to help her son understand the situation.

“I didn’t understand why this happened, Jamir certainly didn’t,” she said. “I had never experienced a sudden death like this before. It’s different if someone has been sick, and you’re expecting it. But I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.”

“I feel like I lost a year in my life.”

However, acknowledging that life had to continue, Robinson signed Jamir up for weekly grief counseling at St. Christopher’s Center for Grieving Children, Teens and Families. During that time, Tamia often forgot that Barnes wasn’t around, and when she was busy at work, she would often wonder if Barnes could drop Jamir off at grief counseling.

“Then I’d remember he was going to grief counseling because Dante wasn’t around,” Robinson said.

Holidays didn’t feel the same, and Robinson and Jamir just went through the motions when Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around. But eventually, thanks to his time at St. Christopher’s, Jamir began cheering up.

“Jamir loves going [to St. Christopher’s],” she said. “But he doesn’t really talk to me about it.”

Each week, Jamir spends an hour with other children who have lost someone close. They do artwork, perform skits and have discussions. Robinson is determined to make sure Jamir keeps busy, to avoid dwelling on his loss.

“I check with his teachers to make sure he’s doing well in school,” Robinson said. “I want him to keep doing normal kid stuff.”

Jamir currently attends kindergarten at Jenks School in Chestnut Hill. He plays football, runs track and has taken up playing the drums. Robinson is looking into getting him involved with karate.

Barnes’ brother, Ralph, has helped Jamir as well.

“He takes him to football practice. Jamir really looks up to him,” Robinson said.

After making so much progress, it was a shock when Barnes’ death came up again this fall, when the La Salle football team, Phi Gamma Delta (also known as FIJI) and Delta Phi Epsilon planned “Run for Willie,” the fund raiser for Maldonado’s younger brother.

Although Robinson hadn’t been attending classes at La Salle at the time, a coworker discovered an article Collegian ran before the event was to take place. The first thought Robinson had was, “What about Jamir?”

That night, Robinson decided to take action. She wrote a letter to editor that appeared in the following week’s Collegian, and stayed awake until 3 or 4 a.m. looking up information about who to get in touch with. In the letter, she described how hard it was to be “a single mother faced with the immeasurable challenges of now having to raise a child alone, faced with numerous sleepless nights as I hold my five-year-old child who cries out for his father” (“Not just Willie suffered” Sept. 19, 2007, p. 6). Eventually, Robinson got in touch with a woman at Mothers Against Destructive Decisions who got the ball rolling at La Salle. “Run for Willie” was quickly cancelled by La Salle administrators.

“I was outraged,” Robinson said. “My hands were shaking as I typed the letter.”

After some time, Robinson and Barnes’ mother got together with Dean of Students Dr. Joseph J. Cicala, FIJI representative and senior communication major Brian Arty and others in the La Salle chapel.

“We talked about the event,” Robinson said. “It was a relaxed environment, but it was very emotional. Many of us were crying by the end of it.”

They eventually came to a consensus, and decided to hold a new event April 14, one that isn’t for any victim in particular, but that serves to raise awareness about drunk driving.

Robinson is happy with the way things turned out. She isn’t sure she’ll finish her M.B.A. at La Salle, mostly because, as a single mother, she doesn’t have time to balance her job, son and classwork.

“It’s been a challenge,” she said. “But my family and friends have been supportive, and I’ve been going to church a lot.”

brodbecke1@lasalle.edu