Adjusting to Your College Student Returning Home
for the Holidays

College is a time of growth and change for students.  For many, it is their first time away from home and have experienced complete freedom. Often, students and parents have conflicting expectation as to what they hope will happen during the visit home.  It is natural for both students and parents to feel some apprehension as they anticipate the return home.  The trick to making the visit a pleasant and positive experience for everyone is open communication. Specifically, here are some tips for a smooth time together.

• It is important to remember that your child has been living on his/her own, making many decisions and functioning as an adult. Treat him or her accordingly.
• Open up communication before your student comes home as to your expectations for the visit.  Listen openly to your student’s expectations as well. Decide where you are comfortable compromising.  Make sure to compromise where possible!
• Prepare your student for any changes they might expect when they return home, for example if you’ve repainted their room or gotten rid of a favorite piece of furniture. Ask your student to prepare you for any changes such as a new pierced body part!
• Openly discuss sensitive issues such as curfews, chores, use of the car, etc. Negotiate ground rules up front regarding where you can be flexible and where you can’t.
• Even though you will probably want to know all about your student’s adventures at college, take your lead from your student as to how much they want to share.  Ask questions to show interest but remember to respect their need for privacy as well.
• Realize that although your child enjoys spending time with family members, they will want to see their home friends. Make sure to give them time to do this without guilt.
• Recognize and acknowledge positive changes and personal growth you observe in your student.  Note that your ultimate goal is to relate to one another as adult to adult.

-- Lane B. Neubauer, Ph.D.
   Director of Health Services